Christmas Presence
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Exchanging presents over the holidays brings delight to children of all ages. Gathering with family and friends reminds us that we are part of a caring circle.

But while the sparkle and excitement of the holidays eventually begins to fade there is one present that satisfies in more significant and lasting ways.

That’s the gift of presence.

When we give the gift of PRESENCE, we are giving of ourselves in ways that draw people to us and leave them with a sense of well being.  Being present means that we are not reacting to a present situation based on past events, or holding expectations for the future. Instead we are fully in each moment, particularly when it comes to being with someone we love. We show our presence, our full attention and caring, by listening deeply.

You might be asking, “What is deep listening?”, and exclaiming, “I listen!” The best way to explain Deep Listening is to first explain what it is NOT.

When we are not listening fully and deeply:

• Our mind is on other things and we are only pretending to listen.
  Our mind may be wandering, we are preoccupied and distracted.
• We don’t want to interact, but don’t want to say so.
  Presence means being in your truth. We hold back for fear of hurting someone else’s feelings or a fear of feeling rejection. Can you be available in this moment or do you need to claim this time for yourself?
• We feel defensive.
  When we feel defensive, strong thoughts and stories are created that push away everything we are hearing instead of taking it in.
• We feel obligated to fix or solve the other person’s story.
  When we feel overwhelmed with emotion or unable to help we block the other person’s story by interrupting or changing the subject.
• Our emotions and memories are stimulated. 
  We have a need to share our own stories before noticing if we have met the other person’s need to be heard. When this happens you’ll hear yourself saying, “Yes, I know what you mean. Here’s what happened to me.”

A wonderful way to circumvent our defensiveness, emotions and old conversational habits is by learning to listen attentively and deeply.

Deep Listening

Deep listening means hearing beyond and below the spoken word. It means hearing the essence of what someone is saying, and noticing the feelings behind their words.
When you listen deeply, you are truly present with the other person. Your mind is free of past judgments or thoughts of the future. You can let go of beliefs and prejudices you may have about the other person. You’re not analyzing or figuring things out, you’re simply being present with the other person.

Deep listening has three benefits.

• It’s calming because it brings us back to the present moment.
• It leads to feelings of connection, loving-kindness and compassion.
• It helps us to communicate and creates true understanding.

We become available to listening deeply to others when we have practiced listening deeply to ourselves and…

• Take inventory of our life lessons
• Break through our toxic emotions
• Discover our unmet needs
• Uncover unconscious patterns
• Cultivate stillness
• Release old stories
• Lean into resistance

Wishing you Holiday Presence
from all your loved ones,
Rev. Carol